DRAMATIC WORK

By KJ Stewart

A play­ground. Recess. FOUGLAS (pro­nounced like“Douglas”) kicking
wood chips around. CLEMENTINE under a slide pre­tend­ing to be a cat.
FOUGLAS throws a wood chip at her.

CLEMENTINE:
That hurts.

FOUGLAS:
It’s because I like you. I found a Mouth in the Woods. Wanna see?

CLEMENTINE:
Sure.

Seven minutes later. FOUGLAS and CLEMENTINE in a circle of trees behind the school. A loose human jaw sits between them on the ground, com­plete with a full set of teeth.

FOUGLAS:
I told you.

CLEMENTINE:
It’s kind of beautiful.

FOUGLAS:
I think it might be magical.

CLEMENTINE:
What do you mean?

FOUGLAS:
I think we have to win its trust, and then it will open and tell us all the secrets of the universe.

CLEMENTINE:
You’re making that up.

FOUGLAS:
No, I’m using my intuition.

CLEMENTINE:
Imagination?

FOUGLAS:
What­ev­er the thing is in your brain that tells you when things are right.

CLEMENTINE:
Inhi­bi­tion, I think.

FOUGLAS:
Institution?

CLEMENTINE:
Iridescence?

FOUGLAS:
Anyway.

CLEMENTINE:
Yeah.

FOUGLAS:
The Mouth.

CLEMENTINE:
Should we talk to it?

FOUGLAS:
Your mom.

CLEMENTINE:
What?

FOUGLAS:
Sorry. I have this weird instinct to be mean to you.

CLEMENTINE:
INSTINCT.

FOUGLAS:
Huh?

CLEMENTINE:
That’s the word. The one you were looking for.

High five.

FOUGLAS:
What are you going to ask it first?

CLEMENTINE:
I was think­ing some­thing like “How are you?”

FOUGLAS:
Stupid.

CLEMENTINE:
This is you being mean again.

FOUGLAS:
No, it’s objec­tive. Obvi­ous­ly, it’s doing bad. It’s dead.

CLEMENTINE:
We don’t know that. You said it’s magical. Maybe it was born this way.

FOUGLAS:
Severed from its body?

CLEMENTINE:
Maybe this is its body. Maybe this is the whole thing, and it’s lived its
whole life with every­one think­ing it’s unfin­ished, but really, it’s been
per­fect­ly happy and whole this entire time.

FOUGLAS thinks about this. He gets dis­tract­ed by a worm in the dirt.

FOUGLAS:
I didn’t hear what you said. I was looking at this worm. But regard­less, I was think­ing I would ask some­thing like “What hap­pened to the Lego Batman I lost last year? Did the dog eat it?” And then, sub­se­quent­ly, “What does a Lego Batman look like when it’s being pooped out of a butthole?”

CLEMENTINE:
Oh.

FOUGLAS:
You don’t like it.

CLEMENTINE:
I’ve just never thought of any of those things in that order before.

FOUGLAS:
I really miss my Lego Batman.

CLEMENTINE:
I get it. I didn’t know we could ask it real-life stuff. Do you think itknows about my sister?

FOUGLAS:
What’s wrong with your sister?

CLEMENTINE:
Nothing, I just wonder about her.

FOUGLAS:
Oh. She doesn’t have cancer or something?

CLEMENTINE:
No. Why?

FOUGLAS:
You said it like she has cancer. You set it up like that.

CLEMENTINE:
No, I didn’t. I’m just curious about her life. She’s always talking about stuff I don’t understand.

FOUGLAS:
HEY, MOUTH IN THE WOODS. WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH CLEMENTINE’S SISTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE CANCER?

CLEMENTINE:
Ask it if she gets her full eight hours.

FOUGLAS:
DOES SHE GET HER FULL EIGHT HOURS?

CLEMENTINE:
Does she mean it when she says I’m being a Booger?

FOUGLAS:
DOES SHE MEAN IT WHEN SHE SAYS—

CLEMENTINE:
Fouglas. I think It can hear me. You don’t have to shout.

FOUGLAS:
Sorry.

CLEMENTINE:
Why won’t she let me ride in her car, even in the way, way back? Why did she stop playing Cats with me? What is Diva Frizz Control Hair Cream Extreme and why won’t she leave the house without it? Will I ever have Diva Frizz Control Hair Cream Extreme? Beat.

CLEMENTINE:
Okay. Your turn.

FOUGLAS:
Mine seem stupid now.

CLEMENTINE:
This was your idea.

FOUGLAS:
I can’t think of any­thing actu­al­ly. So …

CLEMENTINE:
You have to ask. My inhibition/iridescence/imagination/instinct says the magic won’t work for either of us if you don’t.

FOUGLAS:
Okay. I guess I have some. Hello, Mouth in the Woods. Why do my feet smell like that? When it’s light­ning outside how come it knows not to strike me where I stand? Do the stars sleep?  How can I learn to like the taste of broc­coli? And in con­clu­sion, who is God, and is that the same thing as The Pres­i­dent? Thank you.

CLEMENTINE:
Cool.

FOUGLAS:
Cool. Now what?

CLEMENTINE:
Now we wait.

CLEMENTINE and FOUGLAS sit next to each other and watch. They wait. They wait. They wait, and wait, and wait some more. They wait forever. They wait for at least four entire minutes. 

FOUGLAS:
Clementine.

CLEMENTINE:
Yes?

FOUGLAS:
I don’t think it’s going to open.

CLEMENTINE:
Me neither.

FOUGLAS:
I’m sorry.

CLEMENTINE:
Why?

FOUGLAS:
For promis­ing magic.

CLEMENTINE:
It’s okay. This was nice. Who else can say they sat on the ground in front of a Mouth with a friend at recess today? Not many people, I bet.

FOUGLAS:
Not anybody, I bet.

CLEMENTINE:
We could poll the entire third grade and I bet nobody else could say the same.

High five.

CLEMENTINE:
Do you want to go back and play Cats with me? I’ll let you pick the color of your fur.

FOUGLAS:
Can I be a dog?

CLEMENTINE:
I’ll think about it.

CLEMENTINE and FOUGLAS leave the way they came. At least four addi­tion­al minutes go by.

The mouth opens. 

MOUTH:
THE LEGO BATMAN BELONGING TO FOUGLAS THE THIRD GRADER WAS INGESTED BY HIS DOG. WHEN POOPED OUT, IT RESEMBLED A LEGO BATMAN IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.

This post orig­i­nal­ly appeared in Stonecoast Review Issue 18.

Photo by Bogdan Condr.