A Hooligan’s game
by LJ Wright
Cast of Characters
KAI (20s): Androgynous with indistinct gender expression. Athlete, lean but small. Wears canvas rugby shorts and an athletic shirt. Carrying a sports bag and their rugby boots. They/them.
RUGBY MAN/KYLE/MITO (20s): Very built, athletic man from Texas. Himbo. Wears tight rugby shorts and boots and an athletic shirt with a penny over it. Perhaps a mullet and facial hair. He/him.
RUGBY WOMAN/BRICKS (20s): Athletic woman from Texas. A leader and kind. Wears rugby shorts, rugby boots, and a sporty shirt. Perhaps a shorter haircut. She/her.
Place: Denver, CO. Cook Park rugby pitch.
Time: The present, a Saturday.
A HOOLIGAN’S GAME
AT RISE: KAI sits at a bench between two rugby fields in athletic clothing, assembling their gear and putting on their boots. Offstage right, a men’s team competes in their first half of the match. Offstage left, a women’s team competes, also in their first half. The low rumble of people and gameplay is heard throughout the scene.
(Enter RUGBY MAN.)
RUGBY MAN
Hey, man. We’re bootin’ up over yonder if you want to join (Pointing offstage right).
KAI
(Avoiding eye-contact)
Great, I’ll, uh, be right there.
(RUGBY MAN takes a seat to KAI’s right, man-spreading, taking up space. He spits on the ground loudly. KAI continues to put on their boots nervously, perhaps even slightly disgusted.)
RUGBY MAN
You ready for this?
(He claps KAI on the back, like a proud father.)
KAI
Born ready. Just not sure if they're ready for all this.
RUGBY MAN
Little guy like you has got to get hyped. Us big guys will keep you on your toes, or on your ass.
(KAI tries to laugh with RUGBY MAN.)
KAI
Don’t remind me. I haven’t played in years.
RUGBY MAN
That dog won’t hunt. You get hit, then you get the fuck up and hit’em back. Rinse. Repeat. It’s the circle of rugby. You gotta get back on. Like what y’all say about gettin’ back on the bus.
(Offstage right, a tackle is made. Reacting at the same time, RUGBY MAN begins to cheer while KAI cringes.)
You see that? (Standing and hollering) Atta boy, D-Train!
(Sitting back down. To KAI:)
God, I love this game. I mean, where else can we do this shit?
KAI
I like how the men’s and women’s sides each have the same rules.
RUGBY MAN
Really? The women’s side seems less physical to me.
KAI
That’s the referee’s fault.
RUGBY MAN
Touché, compadre.
KAI
It’s like riding a horse.
RUGBY MAN
(Watching the game.)
What’s a horse?
KAI
Rugby. Earlier, I think you meant rugby is like riding a horse. When you fall you have to forget about it and get back on the saddle. Try again.
RUGBY MAN
I guess we are all just stallions when you think of it.
KAI
Right…
(A whistle sounds from the right.)
RUGBY MAN
Welp, that’s first half. You comin’? I need someone to help me warm up my bum shoulder.
KAI
You go ahead. I’ll be right over.
RUGBY MAN
Right on, man. (KYLE reaches out to shake KAI’s hand). Kyle.
KAI
Kai.
(They shake.)
KYLE
Weird name.
KAI
Thanks. I chose it myself.
KYLE
Everybody on the team calls me Mito, like Mitochondria. (Flexing) Powerhouse of the cell. I guess you could say the name chose me.
KAI
I’ll see you, Mito.
KYLE
See ya on the pitch, compadre!
(KYLE starts to walk off stage right. To someone off stage:)
Hey, D-Train, stop being a pussy. Didn’t you hear? We’re stallions, baby! You wanna see a real bruise? I’ll show you a bruise.
(KYLE begins pulling down his shorts, about to flash everyone.)
(Exit KYLE.)
KAI
I’m definitely not a stallion.
(Enter RUGBY WOMAN, from stage left.)
RUGBY WOMAN
I see you met Mito.
(KAI, rearranging themself, looking up.)
KAI
Oh yeah, sweet guy.
RUGBY WOMAN
Oh, please. He’s just a meathead. All the blood that’s supposed to go to his brain goes… (Gesturing below her waist. RUGBY WOMAN and KAI laugh together, easing KAI’s tension.)
KAI
He is kind of a meathead.
RUGBY WOMAN
Hey, man, that’s my brother.
KAI
Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—
RUGBY WOMAN
I’m just messing with you. I mean, he is my brother, but he is also dumb as hell. May I?
(Gestures to KAI’s left.)
KAI
(moving their stuff)
Yeah, please.
(RUGBY WOMAN sits beside KAI.)
RUGBY WOMAN
I’m Bella, but people call me Bricks.
KAI
I’m Kai. Just Kai.
(They shake.)
BRICKS
Nice to meet you, Just Kai. Who you playin’ for?
(KAI, caught off guard, looks from offstage left to right, hesitant.)
KAI
I, uh—
BRICKS
Are you new to Denver?
KAI
I just moved last week from Minnesota.
BRICKS
No shit. Sounds like you got out at the right time.
KAI
You’re telling me. I thought maybe Denver would be more… safe.
BRICKS
Mito and I are from Texas, started livin’ around these parts years back. I was havin’ a hard time back home, but now I’m even more grateful we got out of there when we did.
KAI
Tell me about it.
(They watch a man get tackled off stage right.)
On second thought, maybe I’ll just watch. I don’t know if I am ready for another identity crisis today.
BRICKS
Don’t be silly! We always need more players over here (gestures to the left). It is the club level, but these are just Saturday pick-up matches. We do, of course, care who you are, but we have a sort of don’t ask, don’t tell policy. We don’t tell USA Rugby that we are a safe space, and we don’t bother to ask them for permission either. If we were going to Nationals, that’d be a different story, but we haven’t been in years.
(A whistle sounds from the left.)
That’s half. (Getting up.) We’re here if you change your mind.
KAI
It was nice to meet you.
BRICKS
Likewise.
(BRICKS begins to walk off.)
KAI
Hey—
(BRICKS, stops, looking back.)
Why Bricks?
BRICKS
Well, I usually just tell people it’s because I tripped over a brick during a match and broke some bones on the way down, but I like your vibe.
(BRICKS sits back down.)
Back in Texas—that’s where we’re from—everybody knows everybody. You can’t cough without getting someone sick. Kyle was working in construction and I was just home living off unemployment. Pandemic vibes. One night, I was walking home from a friend’s. Some guys must have been following me because next thing I know I’m on the ground with two broken ribs, unconscious.
KAI
I’m– I’m so sorry.
BRICKS
Kyle found me. He carried me back. I was bad off. When I woke that morning, there he was. He told me what happened, that they signed all their names on it. Like, come on. Y’all are so proud, so confident that I won’t defend myself that you signed your names on the damn thing? Like autographs or something?
But I guess they didn’t know Kyle. He hunted them down that night, found where they lived, and you know what he did? He didn’t beat’em up, he didn’t call the cops. He cemented a brick wall over each and every one of their doors so that when they woke the next mornin’, they couldn’t leave. How’s that for quarantine!
KAI
He’s a good guy.
BRICKS
Here’s the kicker. He wrote MITO on every brick. They didn’t know what the hell that meant, but it’s the thought that counts.
KAI
He’s got balls, I’ll give him that.
BRICKS
I mean, I’m not some damsel in distress, I can fight my own fights, but, yeah, that’s Kyle. Always lookin’ out for ya.
(Beat.)
I think he wanted them to know how it felt for me in that moment to be hurt so bad by something that’s supposed to build you up.
KAI
Bricks.
BRICKS
Yes sir. Kyle and I agreed we’d move to Denver soon after and try to find actual community. He’s the one who got me into rugby. He thought it’d be (mock annoyed) “good for my anger” after everything that happened. Who knew it’d be the first space I could be myself.
KAI
Can I ask you something?
BRICKS
Shoot.
KAI
Do you know why they did that to you? Do they hate women that much down there?
BRICKS
Well, yes. But I wasn’t a woman back then.
(A whistle sounds from the left again. KAI is putting the pieces together.)
Well, I better get moving. We’re fixin’ to start. I would love to have another person on my team.
(Shouting to offstage right:)
Hey, Kyle! I’m tellin’ Mom that you stopped shaving your—
(A whistle and rowdy crowd drown out Bricks’ last words.)
Exit BRICKS.
(KAI, more lifted now, chuckles to themself. They hesitate, still deciding what they want to do, but now considering their new friends. They take a deep breath, gather their things, and make their way to the stage right where the men are playing.)
CURTAIN